self help

When Old Wounds Still Speak

When the pain of your past won’t let you go, how do you manage? Do you just stand by and let the time pass by? – you’re told that time fixes everything, right? Well that’s part of the truth – but it leaves out the most important part – acceptance. What if you’re fine for a while and we feel like you’re making good progress in life, only to be shot down once again by your memories and thoughts of the past? We need to learn how to beat those thoughts.

The past is what it is – unchangeable. The sooner you accept this, the quicker you will experience a sense of freedom that says the past cannot dictate your future. Whilst the past may have hurt, the pain has passed so you need to learn to let go of it. The truth is, thoughts of the past will always surround you in day to day life – that’s how you measure your progress (what you once were compared to what you are now). If you can be better today than you were yesterday and better tomorrow than you are today that’s a valid metric for measuring your progress and our growth.

Whilst the past may have hurt, the pain has passed so we need to learn to let go of it.

Don’t instantly think that your thoughts of your past struggles should not exist. It’s natural and it’s an important part of life to understand your struggles – it makes the triumphs worth so much more – it gives you more fulfilment when you achieve.

The thoughts of your struggles make the triumphs worth so much more and gives you more fulfilment when you achieve.

The thing that you need to change is not the volume of thoughts that you have of the past, but the way you attach your past to your present. The meanings and connotations you attach to your past are so important.

The thing that you need to change is not the volume of thoughts that you have of the past, but the way you attach your past to your present.

It’s well and good to make progress, but for sustainability sake you need to keep a couple of things in mind. The key idea you must train yourself into believing (and this takes effort and consistency) is that you have learned lessons from your past that have shaped you into a better person to attack your present – to strive for more – and without these losses, failures or mistakes you would never have been as good as you are right now.

You have learned lessons from your past that have shaped you into a better person to attack your present – to strive for more – and without these losses, failures or mistakes you would never have been as good as you are right now.

You have to trust that somewhere down the track the dots will line up, even if you can’t see it right now. Steve Jobs said, “We can only connect the dots looking backwards, so we need to place trust and faith in something, whether that be God or the belief that all things come full circle.” And it actually made quite a bit of sense…

You need to place your trust in the lessons of the past you have learned – you need to believe that every good thing you have now would never have been possible without those lessons – your biggest strength is in identifying and accepting your weaknesses so you can work on them and build on them.

So, remembering old wounds should be less about the pain and more about the lesson. You should be excited that you have unrolled one more stone in your life that has shown you something you can work on to be a better person.

There will be a constant unravelling of stones in life and you have to be willing to wear your mistakes on your sleeve and take ownership of them. The most important thing to avoid is continuing to make the same mistakes and still expecting results. The analogy I use is this – you’ve just unravelled a heavy stone to reveal something about yourself, but by making the same mistake again (or ignoring it because you’re scared to face it) you are just covering back up that revelation and you’re making more work for yourself – you have to move the stone away again to reveal what you missed the first time.

So you don’t have to avoid your past wounds, you just have to use them to your advantage – make your weaknesses into your strengths.

When old wounds still speak, be brave and take ownership.

Always,

~ Adam, 2019

We have learned lessons from our past that have shaped us into a better person to attack our present – to strive for more – and without these losses, failures or mistakes we would never have been as good as we are right now. ~The Mind Connectory

20 comments

  1. I must disagree, for my own situation. Others may have better luck with their wounds.
    Time does not fix everything, not for me. A constant reminder of the ruination that follows me around like a lost dog. There are days when I forget, but these are shortlived. I cannot move forward for I live with one of these mistakes and cannot leave, not yet…
    Maybe I just need more time…

    Like

    1. Maybe it’s a need for improvement in my diction, however what this article suggests is that in fact time is not the answer. My statement “time fixes everything right” is supposed to be a type of sarcastic perspective of what people actually think is true. Ownership is key and a belief that our past has contributed to who are now – that’s the take away message!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a great post. Our memories and thoughts of the past will never just go away, even if it does so, time and again it may come back in small and big measures. It’s what we do with that which matters. Do we remain there or do we keep it where it is and look forward to what is out there. I recently read a phrase somewhere that I really liked and just remembered that – Your future self is someone you haven’t met yet, so don’t assume you know everything about how you feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Thanks for sharing! Can’t agree more, our future self is limitless. We have to realise that our past has brought us to where we are now and our present will take us to a limitless future. To me, a limitless future is the most exciting thing ever, who knows what’s possible, especially with God backing us every step of the way! Thanks for reading and for your insight!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You have hit the nail on the head. I’ve evolved once I was able to accept my past, accept that it did indeed happen. But now, I am here in this moment. I can’t go back and I can’t deny that things happened. I’m living now and when past memories haunt me, I ground myself by asking myself where I am? Reminding myself that I am safe and alive and free.

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